I had lunch with Jackie and Lois (my wing women) Tuesday this week and one of the topics of conversations we had was about my online dating results, or in my case, the lack of results. Or I should rephrase that as very poor results. It’s been seven weeks and I’ve only received four responses out of 88 messages I’ve sent.
Jackie asked to see my intro message. I found the most recent one and showed it to both of them.
“Well that’s your problem!” Jackie exclaimed. “Your intro message is boring, and it looks like a system generated message. You should have shared this with me sooner!” She went on to say, “You have to make it personal and unique to engage them.”
Lois joined in, “Yeah, Sam that’s boring. I wouldn’t respond to that either.”
Let’s back up a few steps. Jackie and Lois are both happily married to their awesome husbands. Although they been out of the singles world, they are my insight into a woman’s world and how women think. Together they make up the perfect resource for getting me back into the dating scene.
Back to my dilemma regarding my dry, mechanical, easily ignored intro message.
I explained to both of them, “I put all my details on my profile and I say in my intro message to review my profile and if they like it to drop me a message.”
Jackie instructs, “That’s not how online dating works! The women on the site gets lots and lots of messages and you have to stand out if you’re expecting to get a response!”
You may be asking how my married wingwomen Jackie knows this stuff. She actually worked for a company that built websites and apps. One of their clients (okcupid) was launching into the online dating scene.
So I now have an expert in my corner. Well…an expert on how online dating services work.
So I said in an exhausted manner, “So basically Jackie you’re saying I have to start over again.”
She looked at me as if I was crazy and replied, “No you send out new messages to the ones you’ve previously reached out to.”
With a confused face, I asked, “Wouldn’t that work against me and make me look desperate?” at which Jackie came back with, “No you won’t!” She reiterated, “The women on these sites get tons of messages and they’ll most likely respond to messages that are engaging, witty, and uniquely stands out.”
“Even if they’ve already viewed my prior messages?”, I continued probing.
“Believe me,” Jackie pushed on, “You could get a reply with one of them even if you’ve sent a message to them before! If you don’t, you definitely will not receive a reply!”
Lois rejoined the conversation, “Sam, remember you get back what you put in it!”
So I’ll listen to my experts in this area, my wingwomen, and will go through the messages I previously sent out and make them personal and relevant.
We’ll see how it goes…what else is there to lose other than finding me a date…
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