I tried to stay away from talking about S’s children as I don’t really want to share their story, but suffice it to say, I just can’t let this one go. Maybe it’s about learning more of S’s character and not her kids.
Now I have a saying: “where the head goes the body follows”
This is typically my leadership speech when I’m mentoring folks or telling my story of how I’m where I am in my professional life. No I’m not a life coach, but somewhat in a leadership role.
I strongly believe that people will follow a leader no matter if that leader is strong or if the leader is weak. The stronger the leader, the more synergy in the team. The weaker the leader, the more chaotic the team.
This translates well into parenting. My boys are about 10 years apart in age. My first wife passed away when my oldest boy was only five. I remarried and my second boy was born 5 years later.
As a typical parent, I provided instructions and guidance and set some boundaries. I loved watching my two boys grow into their own. Now although they were 10 years apart in age, they were raised with the same rules: “treat and respect people, always try to do the right thing, and own up to what you’ve done wrong”.
This didn’t mean, the boys did not try to bend those rules and push the boundaries. But I was always fair in their punishment and allowed them to experience the consequences when they did break the rules.
Sit back and watch…
Now as they grew into their teenage years, it was great seeing them begin to understand the consequences and rewards of what they did. I think most parents dreaded those teenagers years, but I kind of enjoyed them. My parenting style was about teaching them. I learned that from one of my best teachers – my mom.
Getting to my point…
Now S had an incredible opportunity to teach her younger son about consequences. The short version of the story was he broke a rule his teacher had in class about not being on their cell phone while the class was in session. The first time he was caught, he had detention. Apparently he didn’t learn the lesson. It happened again and this time the teacher took away his phone (and has kept it).
This was conveyed to me via text. I texted back, “the is a great opportunity for a lesson in consequences.” S text back was, “sort of.”
Where the head goes the body follows…
I now understand why her boys and at times her daughter, do not respect her or treat her as their mother. She doesn’t act like one. I think she thinks her kids should not suffer that much when they do wrong. But I think she knows her kids like to push those boundaries, especially her younger son. He seems to always be in some sort of trouble, either at home or at school. He’s just being a typical kid.
Hmmm…she’s a teacher…and she hasn’t figured it out. Perhaps it’s like the lyrics in the song…can’t see the forest for the trees…
#singleasianmale #parenting #life #leadership